How to Talk to Practically Anybody (and Actually Connect)
Five timeless lessons from Barbara Walters on big connection.
“I can get a better grasp of what is going on in the world from one good Washington dinner party than from all the background information NBC piles on my desk.” — Barbara Walters
Barbara Walters wasn’t without controversy. Over the decades, she faced criticism… sometimes for her tough interview style, sometimes for who she chose to feature, and sometimes simply for occupying space in rooms where women hadn’t traditionally been welcome. But even her critics rarely questioned her influence.
I’ve always had a professional curiosity about Walters. Studying journalism and working in writing after graduation taught me how complex (and human) communication can be. She was someone I returned to often... not just for her interviews, but for how she made people feel comfortable enough to be real.
Walters built a career out of talking to people others couldn’t (or wouldn’t). Her book published in 1970, How to Talk with Practically Anybody About Practically Anything, is one of those titles that feels both dated and surprisingly relevant. Yes, it came from a different era (complete with gendered language and 20th-century etiquette) but the core advice? Still gold.
That book distilled decades of interviews into practical guidance on navigating conversations with confidence and curiosity. More than 50 years later, much of it still holds up… even as our world has dramatically shifted.
So, let’s get into it.
Her book isn’t about small talk… it’s about big connection. She believed conversation wasn’t a performance… it was a practice (maybe you remember this concept from my last post?). And that’s something we’re still learning, especially as we find ourselves talking more than ever but connecting less.
Here’s a modern take on five of her core lessons, and how they resonate in an age of fast-paced communication and fractured attention.
1. You don’t have to be naturally charming… just curious.
Walters argued that charisma is overrated. You don’t need to be clever, extroverted, or endlessly entertaining. What matters more is being *genuinely interested* in the person across from you.
Neuroscience now confirms what she intuited: when someone feels seen, oxytocin and dopamine kick in. People don’t remember exactly what you said but they remember how you made them feel (you’ve heard that quote, right?). While everyone’s performing, just being curious might be the most unexpected (and refreshing) thing you can do.
One way to practice curiosity is to follow the thread. When someone mentions something that sparks your interest, ask a gentle follow-up. Curiosity doesn’t have to be loud… it just has to be real.
2. Everyone has a story. Most are just waiting for the invitation to share it.
Walters believed thoughtful questions were the secret key to deeper connection. People want to share, but often wait to be invited.
That invitation doesn’t come through scripted small talk… it comes through curiosity that cuts through the noise.A real question that lands with care is a kind of emotional hospitality.
This one has always been tough for me… but I’ve noticed that one way to extend the invitation is to share something small and true about yourself. Vulnerability often creates room for others to open up in return.
3. Listening is not waiting to talk.
Walters was a master of the pause. She let silence do its work. She stayed with a thread. She followed the emotional current instead of steering the conversation toward her own agenda.
Today, attention is currency. Listening isn’t passive—it’s one of the most generous things we can do. Real listening makes people feel safe enough to open up.
One simple way to show you’re engaged is by looping: reflect back what you heard.
4. Preparation is a form of respect.
Walters never winged it. Whether interviewing presidents or pop stars, she did her homework. Knowing someone’s background, passions, or pain points allowed her to go deeper.
In everyday life, this looks like remembering someone’s name. Following up on something they mentioned last time. Asking about the thing that matters to them… not just to you.
That kind of attentiveness is so rare, isn’t it?
5. Conversation is an art but also a skill.
Walters dismantled the myth that great communicators are born, not made. In her view, anyone could become better at talking with (and listening to) others.
And that holds true today. The most effective communicators aren’t necessarily the most talkative or the most polished. They’re the most attuned—to tone, to context, to the human on the other side of the exchange.
One way to build that skill? Reflect after conversations. What worked? What didn’t land? Who felt energized by the exchange… and who didn’t? Like any art form, getting better at conversation requires intention, attention, and a willingness to learn as you go.
Good night (it’s really late).
Now, we find ourselves toggling between in-person conversations, Zoom meetings, and voice notes sent between traffic lights (my favorite). The landscape of communication is noisy. But the fundamentals remain timeless.
Walters modeled a quieter kind of power—one rooted in curiosity, presence, and care, especially for women in high-stakes, high-visibility roles. She didn’t dominate the room. She listened with intention. That made her unforgettable.
Her style has shaped generations of journalists and media personalities… from Diane Sawyer and Oprah to contemporary podcasters and YouTubers who now mirror her blend of intimacy and inquiry.
Her legacy lives not just in who she interviewed… but in how she did it. She elevated conversation into an art form, made listening as powerful as speaking, and helped shape the kinds of public dialogue we now expect: deeper, more human, and more emotionally intelligent than the soundbites of the past.
So… here’s to asking better questions, making space for the answers, and staying curious about each other. Good night… it’s really late. But maybe that’s a good time to think about these things anyway.
Inspirational 👏🏻 Love it 😍