“Technology is seductive when what it offers meets our human vulnerabilities. And as it turns out, we are very vulnerable indeed.” — Sherry Turkle
In a recent study, researchers explored whether AI could hold its own in couples therapy, and surprisingly, it did more than that.
Participants rated ChatGPT’s responses as more empathetic, culturally attuned, emotionally connected, and ultimately more helpful than those of licensed human therapists.
The study was controlled, but it mirrors something that’s already happening in the real world. More and more people are turning to AI not just for information, but for connection.
Something about a machine feels easier, cleaner, safer… There's no judgment, no interruptions, no glazed-over eyes. Just… response. Attention in the form of a blinking cursor.
It’s a fascinating and quietly sobering reflection of where we are: we’re designing machines to listen better than humans do.
Why It Feels Like AI Gets Us
Let’s be clear: GPT doesn’t understand us… it isn’t offering therapy, it’s offering an approximation of the mind. It doesn’t actually think or feel, but it can convincingly mimic the behaviors of a thinking, feeling human.
It analyzes patterns in language, predicts likely responses, and mirrors emotional tone. It reflects our thoughts back to us in a way that feels intelligent, sometimes even empathetic.
But it’s still a simulation… a mathematical model trained to imitate mental processes, not experience them.
It’s not conscious. But for some, it feels *close enough.*
Here’s why it works:
AI doesn’t interrupt. Most people wait to speak. AI waits to listen.
It reflects, instead of reacting. You won’t get “Why would you say that?” or “That happened to me too. Let me tell you about it…” You won’t get the all-too-common “lol” because someone didn’t know how to respond. Instead, you get space. Room to finish your thought(s).
It remembers what you say. Maybe not forever, but in a single session, it connects the dots. The “Wait, didn’t you say earlier…?” moment that even close friends sometimes miss.
Are Our Conversations in a Crisis?
Most of us were never really taught how to have a conversation… not the kind that requires patience, presence, or actually listening.
We learned how to talk, debate, give advice, or toss out a “same here” story. But the slower parts (pausing, reflecting, letting silence breathe) those didn’t exactly make the curriculum.
And now… it shows.
We skim instead of read.
We scroll while others are talking (don’t love this one).
We reply with memes and emojis because words take effort.
Our communication has gotten faster, louder, and more reactive, but not necessarily better.. The bar for feeling heard has gotten so low, a machine clearing it feels revolutionary.
What’s Actually Missing
Here’s the thing: AI can simulate listening and understanding, but it can’t care. It doesn’t feel anything (I always feel like I have to add… “yet”). And the illusion of connection can sometimes deepen the ache for real, human presence. It’s *attention* and *connection* people are hungry for.
Machines are getting better at asking thoughtful follow-ups. But they can’t hold your hand or give you a big bear hug when you need it most. They can’t say, “I’ve got you,” and mean it.
Reclaiming Human Conversation
If machines are beating us at basic empathy, maybe it’s not a threat\... it’s a wake-up call.
What if we:
Sat with pauses a little longer?
Asked questions without the intent to fix?
Looked up from our phones and lingered in the moment?
Machines might be programmed to mimic communication.
But we are messy, emotional, and beautifully human. We are the only ones capable of true connection.
Let’s not outsource that.
UPDATE:
Illinois just became the first state to say it outright: AI can’t be your therapist.
A new law bans chatbots from offering mental health care and limits how real therapists can use AI. Violators could face fines up to $10,000.
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